Sonic, grab my x!
by Sonikkuruzu
Summary: Doctor Who crossover crack fic where Daleks, the Master and Mephiles have an evil plan. Oh noes
1. Chapter 1

Characters belong to their respective owners. I do not own Doctor Who *sighs*

The Doctor had randomly decided to park the TARDIS on top of a large mushroom, approximately the size of a normal hill. He looked out of the door, shouted "Come along Pond" and promptly fell on his face. He got up onto his knees and rubbed his sore nose. Amy popped her head round the door, looking worried.

"You okay, Doctor?" she asked.

"No I'm not," the Doctor moaned. "I think my nose is broken"

"You forgot me again, Doctor!" Rory shouted, also popping his head round the door.

"SHUT UP RORY!" Amy and the Doctor yelled simultaneously. Rory started crying and hid inside the TARDIS and was never seen again. BAZINGA!

On Mobius, Sonic sprinted through Green Hill Zone wearing Amy's knickers on his head. Amy chased him, screaming that he was a pingas and was in love with Weegee. The last remark hurt Sonic's rather large ego and he responded that Amy was a Mary Sue. It was super effective and she spontaneously combusted. OH NOES D:

Meanwhile, Tails was in his lab staring at a poster of Joey Wheeler dressed as a furry. He was supposed to be researching Extreme Gear but his concentration drifted towards the poster.

"Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeeeh!" he whispered under his breath. He stared up at the poster again and realised that he was drooling.

"Oh no!" he exclaimed. "If the fangirls find out about this, they will have yaoi fantasies and make me look like an idiot". He took his Joey plushie out of its hiding place (behind the computer's monitor) and hugged it tight. "Don't worry, Joey. They'll never find out"


	2. Chapter 2

Characters and things referenced belong to their respective owners. I only own this fanfic and I used to own Knuckles' DS Lite.

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Amy jumped out of the TARDIS, landing on her feet perfectly. The Doctor, seeing this, scowled at Amy and called her a show off under his breath. Rory decided to jump out too (I lied about him never being seen again) and landed rather unsuccessfully. He also called Amy a show off. Sadly for Rory, she heard this and beat the crap out of him with her shoe (she had taken it off. Jeez! Did you really think she was still wearing it?). Rory, now bored, stood up and looked at the Doctor.

"You didn't explain the concept of regeneration to us," he moaned at the Doctor. The Doctor whirled round and looked Rory in the eyes.

"I did and it can be weird at times. I had a friend once, back on Gallifrey, who accidentally regenerated into a potato. If there is some external force controlling the regenerative process, they were either having a laugh or were in a random mood. Silly Potato!" the Doctor reminisced.

"Potato?" Amy asked, trying not to laugh.

"That was his name: the Potato," the Doctor said sadly. "It makes his regeneration kinda ironic". He straightened his bowtie and wiped a tear from his eye.

"What happened to him?" Rory enquired.

"Nobody knows. After he regenerated, he just disappeared of the face of the planet. He may have been eaten but I'm not sure. He was cool," the Doctor replied.

"You think everything's cool, don'tcha?" Amy asked cheekily.

"NO I DO NOT!" the Doctor suddenly yelled. "I'm gonna sonic you for that!" He whipped his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and sonicked Amy with it. Rory watched Amy screaming in pain with a small smile on his face. At last, he was not the one who was dying or having the crap beaten out of him. He was Rory Williams, the Last Centurion. 100% pure undiluted badass. That was when he fell over. Amy had tied his shoelaces together when they were in the TARDIS.

While Amy was being tortured and Rory was squirming in pain, they didn't notice the person hiding behind the mushroom the TARDIS was parked on, playing a Nintendo DS. If Amy had played enough video games (specifically _Sonic & Knuckles_) she would have recognised the giant mushrooms they were surrounded by and she would have correctly surmised that they were in Mushroom Hill Zone, Angel Island. And as it was Angel Island, she would have naturally assumed that they were going to come across Knuckles the Echidna. Stupid Amy

Knuckles leaned against the mushroom, blissfully unaware of Team TARDIS. He looked at his DS and ejected the game card. It bounced off another mushroom and hit him in the face.

"Damn!" he exclaimed.

Amy turned round, her hair whipping the Doctor. He stopped sonicking her and tried to see where the exclamation had come from.

"Where's that noise coming from?" she asked.

"Dunno," Rory said, still on the floor. Amy stared at him in astonishment as she had forgotten that he was there. Rory unlaced his shoelaces and tied them properly and stood up. "I think I recognise this place"

"How can you?" Amy asked incredulously. "This is probably an alien planet"

"It could be if the _Sonic_ games were set on a different planet," Rory replied.

"WE'RE IN A VIDEO GAME?"Amy shrieked. Knuckles, still hidden behind the mushroom, snorted with laughter.

"I seriously doubt it," Rory reasoned, trying not to giggle at Amy's reaction. "Mushroom Hill Zone was on a 16-bit console so if we are actually inside _Sonic the Hedgehog 3_, we'd have noticed pixels by now and STOP LAUGHING, KNUCKLES!"

"How long did you know I was there for?" Knux asked, stepping into Amy and Rory's view, slightly put off and fully aware that Amy and the Doctor were staring at him.

"I heard clicking noises behind us. Is that a DS?" Rory calmly said. Knuckles handed the black Nintendo DS Lite to Rory. It had several faded foil stickers on it, mostly depicting cute bunnies and on the back there was a large foil sticker with two puppies on it. Rory flipped the DS's lid open and experimentally pressed a few of the buttons. All of them bar the shoulder buttons worked perfectly. He gave the DS back to Knuckles with a smile.

"Like puppies much?" Amy said as she had been watching Rory and the DS over his shoulder.

"Cream put the stickers on, not me," Knux sighed. "The only console I own that hasn't been defaced by her is my SNES"

"You own an SNES?" Amy exclaimed.

"Yes. Why do you care?" Knux responded.

"What part of console wars do you not understand?" Amy screamed at him. "You belong to Sega and the SNES is Nintendo. You are **enemies**!"

"Amy," Rory said tentatively. "The console wars are over and Nintendo and Sega are friends now"

"What?" Amy shrieked in disbelief. "I preferred it when Mario and Sonic were fighting"

"I didn't really care about the console wars," Knux said, looking at the floor. "I'm not Sega's mascot, I'm just the 4th most popular character from the _Sonic_ games"

"So you are aware of the fourth wall?" Rory asked.

"What fourth wall?" Knux inquired. "Hello person who is reading this crack fic". He smiled brightly and stared at the Doctor for no apparent reason. Yes, dear reader, there is no fourth wall! :D

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Sorry for the mostly _Doctor Who _based chapter. The next one will be more Sonicky (Is that a word?)


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is more Sonicky (Is that even a word?!)

I do not own _Sonic the Hedgehog_ and I do like Shadow, it's Tails I hate :]

I also do not own _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ or _Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged_

_Sonic casually strolled up to Tails, a mischievous grin planted on his face. Tails was busy researching Extreme Gear (for once) and didn't notice anything. He typed quickly, the keys on his computer clicking away like mad. Sonic, noting this, sneaked up behind Tails and put his hands on his shoulders. Tails screamed and jumped a foot in the air. _

"_What did you do that for?" he asked once he had landed on the floor._

"_Cuz I love you," Sonic replied. The look on his face then can only be compared to a rape face. Tails noticed this and tried to run away but Sonic caught him._

"_Oh no you don't!" he shouted at Tails._

"_Help!" Tails screamed. "Sonic's trying to rape me!" Sonic tied a gag round Tails' mouth and chained him to the wall._

"_First things first," he whispered into Tails' left ear. "Your lab is soundproof and you installed the equipment for that yourself. No one can hear you. Even if they could, there is no one in this area who would help you"_

_Tails tried to scream through the gag but only produced a muffled buzzing sound. He started to cry, salty tears sliding into his mouth. This made him want to throw up. He tried to stop it as the gag would just hold it in. Meanwhile, Sonic had his back turned to the kitsune. He was doing something producing metallic scratching sounds. Tails' eyes welled up with tears again. Sonic turned round and looked at Tails with a slasher smile on his face. In his hand he held a 30cm knife and looked like he was intending on doing something to Tails with it. Tails screamed . . ._

. . . and woke up in his armchair in his lab. He looked at his Joey plushie and sighed.

"Just a nightmare," he whispered to Joey. "Nothing to worry about, Joey" The plushie looked at him blankly.

"Joey!" he screamed, throwing the plushie away. "I hate you! I hate you so much! I don't love you anymore! Why don't you die?!" Immediately after blurting this out, he started crying and scuttled across the floor to where the plushie lay. "I'm so sorry!" he apologized, picking Joey up and tickling his tummy the way he liked it. "I really do love you! I just got mad, that's all. Probably too much time spent around Knuckles"

"You are so weird" a voice said. Tails turned round and saw that Sonic had been stood behind him the whole time. "You treat a plushie like they're alive. I hate to break it to you but your Joey plushie is not Joey Wheeler"

"Loads of people do that," Tails muttered in self-defence. "Sonikkuruzu does that"

"Yes but as you can probably see from the state of this fanfic, she is mentally unstable. Like you"

"My mind functions perfectly, you ferret!"

"I AM NOT DRACO MALFOY YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE, I can't think of a word, POO!" Sonic screamed. He ran out of Tails' lab, tears running down his face.

"I definitely prefer you to my friends," Tails murmured lovingly to the plushie.

Four hours later after watching _Top Gun_ ("It's so not gay!") and reading some lemon fanfics ("Yummy Knuxadow lemon!" Tails had said), Tails was sitting on his armchair with his feet up on a desk.

"I enjoyed our evening. Did you, Joey?" he asked the plushie, stroking his hair. The plushie said nothing as per usual. Tails decided to ignore the Joey plushie and instead looked at a big red button. It was approximately the size of Tails' hand and was bright scarlet. It was shiny and had a plaque next to it clearly stating that it was not to be pressed. Tails being Tails (kinda obvious :|) decided to press it.

"No! Tails! Don't!" the Joey plushie suddenly yelled, punctuating it for emphasis. Tails ignored it and pressed the button. The explosions cause by it was so graphic I don't know how to describe it. It would blow your minds, not that I'm suggesting your minds are small and insignificant because they are definitely not!

Back to the story. Tails stared at his Joey plushie.

"Y-you speak?" he stuttered nervously, aware of the flames that had popped up around him and the plushie.

"Of course I do, you dumb broad!" the Joey plushie snorted. Tails stared at the plushie with disdain, ignoring the flames.

"Two things," Tails said, glaring at the plushie. "I am not a girl"

"Of course you're not," the Joey plushie muttered, its voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Second, why are you Abridged?" Tails asked.

"It's simple, you idiot. Sonikkuruzu only knows how Abridged Joey talks so she wrote me like this," the plushie yelled, waving its tiny arms around.

"There really is no fourth wall, is there?" Tails asked the plushie.

"Nope," the plushie cheerfully replied. "Hel-"

"Knuckles did that last chapter," Tails interrupted. "Sorry" The plushie glared at Tails.

"You retard," it said spitefully. Tails stared at the plushie and threw it as far away as he could.

By now, the fire had filled the entire lab except where Tails stood. The plushie screamed as it fell into the flames. Tails jolted as if he had been in a trance. He looked at the flames licking up the walls and started to cry as he knew there was no chance of him surviving. He screamed his little head off and would have carried on screaming of someone hadn't carried him out of the burning building. Tails felt someone pick him up and run with him out of the burning building, leaving the evil plushie behind or so he hoped . . .

Ten minutes later, Tails decided to see who had saved him. Opening his eyes, he expected to see Sonic. He was disappointed as he saw Shadow.

"Oh, " he said, the disappointment obvious from the tone of his voice. Shadow promptly dropped the plushie (he had rescued it too, much to Tails' disappointment) on Tails and started to sprint off.

"Shadow!" Tails shouted. The black and red hedgehog turned round and looked at the whiny kitsune.

"What?" he asked, exasperated.

"Why did you rescue me?" Tails asked, staring at the burnt plushie in disdain.

"Because I'm **invincible**!" Shadow bellowed. Tails looked at Shadow curiously and carefully selected his words.

"Sorry, Shadow," he started whispering. "But you're not invincible"

"WHAT?!" Shadow shrieked.

"Your chest fur is on fire," Tails murmured.

Shadow looked down at his chest fur and noticed that Tails was not lying. He gazed at the flames, horrified then started running around in circles screaming. Tails raised his left eyebrow, murmured "fascinating" and walked off. The plushie stared at the Ultimate Life Form acting like an idiot and walked back into the fire.


End file.
